I am still in the throes of grieving, a place or space that is sometimes bad, but certainly not all bad. There have been, as I wrote last month, many highlights and a sort of beautiful peace. And there have been many lessons, some of which have yet to reveal themselves to me. I’ve only begun to know and appreciate the power of death. One such lesson, and it is a profound one, is the meaning of time.
As much as I am one to plan my time and attempt to manage my time, I find I often don’t have enough time. I don’t have enough hours in the day or days in the week. I can’t get it all done, whatever it is. And often, I feel overwhelmed these days. I find myself being a bit hard on myself because I am not more productive, more efficient, more prolific.
As much as I am one to plan my time and attempt to manage my time, I find I often don’t have enough time. I don’t have enough hours in the day or days in the week. I can’t get it all done, whatever it is. And often, I feel overwhelmed these days. I find myself being a bit hard on myself because I am not more productive, more efficient, more prolific.
And now I’ve stopped to think, what would I have wanted to do if I knew that my life might end as unexpectedly and as abruptly as his life did? What would I have wished I’d done if…? Would I wish I’d done the dishes before I sat down to watch a movie with the kids? Would I have wished I’d found the time to fold all of the clothes I’d washed? Or would I wish I’d spent time getting to connecting with my sons or loving others in my life or marveling at or in nature? Would I live more mindfully? Should I live more intentionally? As I soul search, I’m sure the answer to these questions is a resounding yes.
Understanding the power of death gives one real perspective on the value of every single moment of every single day. They are precious, precious gifts. You know that none of them were promised to you and yet here you are. Some are not so lucky or fortunate. Some are fighting for their lives today and others have lost their lives, but you are here. You have your life today. What will you do with it? Search the internet? Hold a grudge? Share a bit of gossip? Debate about politics?
Not only does the realization of imminent death make me more mindful of how I am using my days, it’s also making me more mindful that my time is limited and that I should go ahead and actually do the things that I keep saying I want to do. How long am I going to say I want to write that book before writing it or create a journaling kit before creating it? Leonardo Da Vinci wrote “I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do.” Is it possible to embrace this mindfulness and this sense of urgency without feeling rushed or anxious? These are the questions with which I am currently grappling. I don’t think this is usually how we frame our lives because we have been taught to fear or deny death. It is treated like a stranger or an unwanted guest. We Aight it, hide from it and deny that it will happen to us, rather than allowing it to be the powerful time management tool and provider of clarity and purpose that we have in our toolbox.
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Trina that was….beautiful.